Hevy Heart
by Huntress09
Summary: What have you done? the words ring in Hawks ears. Angsty F!Hawk/Anders


This is an angsty thing that came to me in the middle of the night and would not go away. So now I'm sharing it whit the rest of the world...

This is my first Dragon Age story too by the way.

Obs Spoilers for the end of Dragon Age 2, which I don't own, if I did I would not be so depressed by my financial situation.

Heavy heart

"What have you done?"

The words kept repeating in Marian Hawk, the Champion of Kirkwall's ears as they had all evening.

She felt numb, even the reunion with her sister left her feeling cold, like she was not really there.

How she had managed to give a winding up speech before the battle with the templar's she had no idea.

When first Orsino turned and became a monster she did not even flinch.

When Meredith told her what had happened to the damn idol and proceeded to awaken the statues she had gotten the irrational and almost irresistible urge to laugh at her.

When at last the knight-commander stood there as a statue of poisonous lyrium and the templar's simply backed away from her she only felt empty.

Varric, her beloved friend who really had started all this if you saw it in a certain light, tried and failed to lighten the mood on the boat ride back to the city.

As they started their way from the docks Marians head turned off its own will to the way she would take to get to His clinic. She would never again go that way. What was the point? He was no there.

Her friends one after one took their own ways to their own homes as the party made their way thru the city.

When she stood before the door to her own house only Fenris Aveline and Bethany was with her. They stayed a bit behind her as she stood staring at the door for what seemed like an age.

Then she turned and started walking with determined steps away from the manor and towards the Chantry that no longer was.

Her remaining friends looked at each other worriedly and followed her thru the debris filled streets.

As she got to the square in front of the place that used to be the chantry of Kirkwall she looked franticly around, but his body was still there, laying on the pavement just as she had left him a few hours before. Not until she saw the body did she realize that he really was dead. She had really killed him, and no magic in the world could bring him back to her.

Before she had had the irrational feeling that it was all a dream or a misunderstanding. Soon she would wake up and find him laying beside her sleeping like a log. Or she would turn a corner and find him there, talking to a stray cat. She would tell him of her strange dream and he would laugh at her and tell her that she was clearly worrying to much and that they should take a vacation. That a woman in her condition should not do so much fighting.

But he never would.

What have you done?!

The words were still there, she had said them to him, now her mind kept repeating them to her.

She run to him /the corpse, that was all that was left of him now/ tears se had been holding back finally started falling and the world became a blur. The only thing in focus was him. She wanted to scream and shout at him for doing this, how could he have been so stupid really? How had this helped in any way?

Maybe she should not have killed him before she had gotten the chance to shout at him, her sarcastic mind told her. But how could she let something like that just go? How could she selfishly hold on to her beloved when he had taken so many beloved from others?

And it would not have ended here, no matter how much she might have tried to fool herself. She had seen him changing ever sins she first meet him. Deep inside she had known it would not end well no matter how much she wished otherwise.

And so she had ended it. For he was the Champion, she saved the city and tried to make the future a better one. Even if it meant sacrificing what she wanted most.

And so it had come to this. Booth the leaders of the magicians and the templar's were dead and the city leader less. And the great champion of Kirkwall sat crying her heart out over the corps of her lover.

What have you done?

What was necessary. For the future, for the life of her unborn child. And she knew she could not have done it in any other way no matter how much she wished it.

Still the tears would not stop as she sat with his could head in her lap.

She felt arms wrap around her, The armor gave her away even before Hawk looked up into Avelines face as she sat beside her and hugged her. In that moment she felt closer to her guards captain friend than ever before.

"What have I done?" She asked the warrior, her voice almost unrecognizable whit tears. She got no answer but she could see that her friend knew what she was going thru and how she felt.

Aveline held Marian till she had no more tears to shed.

There it is. This story was born by listening to Florence and the machine - Heavy in your arms, and Never let me go. Mumford ad sons - Te Cave. And Within temptations - What have you done. Now I'm going to try to get a few hours of sleep.

If you like it tell me! If you don't say why!


End file.
